Recently I came home exhausted, after a very long week; I was tired. I wanted to just relax and not deal with anything. But, there were a couple of things I needed to take care of right then; I didn’t want to, but I changed from thinking all about me, and took care them.

I know the Bible directs me to take heed to myself spiritually, mentally and physically. I know that if my life is a mess I don’t have much to offer or give to others. But the Bible also directs me to be loving and giving to others.

So, where is the balance in life between me thinking about me, and me thinking about you? How do I know if I’m being selfish in a given situation? I know I can get so focused on myself and my needs that I do not want, nor allow time, to help and bless others. So where is the balance?

Should I just totally neglect everyone else to ensure I am as happy and blessed as I can be, making sure everything I think I need is the priority? The other extreme would be to totally neglect myself, and instead giving, helping and making everyone else a priority.

There Has To Be A Balance, Right?

I realize this topic has many variables. Obviously there are many things we need to do to take care of ourselves, like nutrition, exercise, procuring an income, etc. Those in and of themselves are not selfish, but taken to the extreme, could be. If I spend all my waking hours doing nothing but preparing and eating my food, exercising my body, and cleaning and dressing myself, that might very well be labeled selfish.

But on the other hand, someone recovering from an illness may find himself in a situation where that is about all he can handle at the moment. We wouldn’t call that selfish, would we? It would simply be what is needed at the time. That is a great key to the balance.

Having a job places certain demands on our lives. Not showing up for work because of needing a few hours of quiet time would jeopardize one’s employment. However, being a workaholic by choice is another matter.

Telling a three year old to figure her own life out today because mommy needs to go shopping all day is irresponsible and selfish. Yet, mommy spending lots of time with little ones is something that is very much needed at the time.

We all have certain responsibilities and demands. There are things we really must do, things that are needed at the time. It’s not selfish. But there are also things beyond our responsibilities and demands that we may deem needed at the time.

Marriage provides a very interesting mix of what I need, what she needs, and what we need. A husband may decide he needs to go to the gym three times a week to work out, as well as play tennis a couple of times a week, plus a political meeting one or two nights a week, and of course the weekly night out with the guys. That pretty much leaves no week left, and soon no marriage either.

The greatest reason for marriage is companionship, not a really good roommate you can have sex with. Yet, I’ve seen it happen all of my life where couples drift apart because they are living two separate lives, either putting the majority of attention on themselves, or on others.

No, I am not advocating couples do everything together and neither can have any exclusive interests. But rather, committing to a marriage is a commitment to a partnership with someone else instead of being single. There are things with that relationship that are much needed, and needed on a daily basis; ‘till death do us part, remember?

Is Not Being Selfish Giving Money?

Many times when people think of giving, they think of giving money. But giving is giving, whatever one gives is still giving, isn’t it? If I give my time, my knowledge, my resources, my prayers, it is all giving.

The greatest giver of all is of course, God. To all of mankind He gave His only begotten Son. For us, His children, there are many verses in His Word that encourage us to give, and not just in the financial realm. The inside joy and fulfillment of freely giving cannot be measured.

I try to look for ways to bless others, and that involves giving something. Many times during the work week I’m on the phone, which while necessary, I generally view as a distraction from getting my work done. Usually at the end of the call, which I’m so glad is about over, I am asked, “Is there anything else I can do for you?”

I’d love to just say, “No, thank you, goodbye.” But I almost always answer back, “Yes, there is something else you can do.” “What?” they ask. I reply, “Have a great rest of the day.” Invariably I can hear how that simple expression of kindness blesses them.

The greatest giver on earth was the Lord Jesus Christ. The Scriptures say he came not to be ministered to, but to minister, to serve. He truly demonstrated the love of God by giving and serving, and yet there are records of him taking a break, sleeping in a boat, praying alone, etc.

The more confidence I have in my God to provide what I need, the more freedom I have to give and serve others. Yes, I need to take heed to myself, and at times that requires all of my attention. But one of the greatest fulfillments in life is giving of yourself to others. The rewards last throughout eternity, and maybe that’s why the Scriptures say it is better to give than to receive.

I do believe what is needed is a great key in determining the balance between being selfish or not. But the greatest key is your own motivation. Why do you do what you do?

As a Christian, do we do what we do because it’s our Christian duty? The more you understand, accept and believe what God has already done for you, the more the motivation for what you do will be out of a response of gratitude and love for Him.

In the end, regardless of what we do, or do not do, it is still going to be between you and God.

Mike Verdicchio
2014

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