Have you ever noticed how easy it is to be happy and positive when things are going well? When there are no interruptions, obstacles or problems around you, it’s easy to enjoy life. You might even say, “I’m feeling pretty good and everything seems to be just fine; life is great!”
But what is your reaction when something unexpected interrupts your life? What about when something unpleasant comes up? Suddenly, for many, it’s not so easy to remain positive; or is it?
No one welcomes problems with open arms, no matter how insignificant they seem. I don’t know of anyone who anticipates having to deal with something unpleasant. However, you and I both know that things are going to happen from time to time; that’s just how life is. Tires wear out, drains get clogged, and people, at times, do stupid things.
When something unpleasant occurs, most people stop being happy and positive. Whatever it is that happens, it’s enough to change their attitude. And for some people even the slightest bump in the road and they change from happy to angry in a matter of seconds.
We really can choose what thoughts we are going to think. The thoughts that we choose to think have a direct effect on our feelings and our emotions. We can’t always choose what happens, but we can always choose how to think about what happens.
I’m not trying to imply that we should live in a make-believe world where you just tell yourself, “Nothing is wrong; everything’s okay.” When something comes up we most certainly need to assess the situation. We need to find out what is going on before we issue a positive statement.
What?
A positive statement? Yes, a positive statement: a solution-oriented statement. I know some will say that certainly is not a proper reaction to a negative or unpleasant situation! Or is it?
Suppose you come home from the grocery store and find that your bread is smashed like a pancake in the bottom of the bag because of the way your groceries were packed. What would your reaction be to that situation? Would you become completely livid? Some people would.
“I am so mad! Now I’ve got to go all the way back to the store! Why don’t they teach those young kids how to do it right? I knew that kid packing up my groceries had a lousy attitude! He probably piled those heavy cans on my bread on purpose. I’m going to talk to the manager about this! ”
Hold on just a minute! Chill out!
Now this may sound like a silly illustration to you, but as a teenager I worked at a grocery store, and saw far worse reactions than in this example!
Instead of having that kind of an attitude, why not have a positive attitude and make a positive statement? What? Say something positive about your smashed bread? A positive statement? Sure, why not?
“Okay, I’ll just take the bread back and exchange it. I wonder if there is anything else I need that I forgot to pick up at the store. I’m sure glad that they have more bread. In fact, I’m glad that there is so much food available.”
Hey! But what about the guy who smashed my bread?
Here’s the point: Our thoughts trigger our emotions and feelings. And our actions so many times follow our emotions and feelings. In fact, the kind of mood you are in right now is not somebody else’s fault. It is because of your decision to think the way that you are thinking.
The next time something unpleasant comes up, take note of how you react. Observe where your thoughts go. What emotions are triggered? Those emotions are directly tied to some information.
Now stop and think about it for a minute. Do you really expect that everything is always going to go perfectly smooth without any hitches? No one that you will ever deal with will ever make a mistake, right? We all know that is never going to happen. We do not live in a perfect world.
So then why are we so surprised when someone makes a mistake? Why get angry over something that someone did that inconvenienced us? It wasn’t the first time and it will not be the last time.
The real question you need to ask yourself is not, “Why did he smash my bread?” but rather, “Why am I so angry about this?”
Do you expect perfection in all that you do? Do you beat yourself up when you make a mistake? These are interesting questions, and it is important to find out just why you are angry. You certainly don’t want to live with anger, do you? You don’t want to see yourself as an angry person, do you?
Once you recognize the anger, and see how it is attached or tied into situations, for whatever reason, then choose to get rid of it. Look that anger right in the eye, and say, “Anger, you need to go. I don’t want to live with that emotion any longer. I may have been angry in the past, but now, I choose to get rid of this anger. And, in its place, I choose to put in patience, understanding, and, forgiveness.
Most people just keep looking at the incident. As a result they stay angry. Then, they just love to relate the incident to someone else. As a result they stay angry. How does that help you to live your life with confidence and joy? It doesn’t.
You see, it really doesn’t matter if they smashed your bread on purpose or by accident. What matters is do you want to control your own life, or, do you want to have your life controlled by circumstances and situations. Do you really want other people’s actions to determine your own happiness?
Your own life is in your own control.
Thomas Edison’s workshop burned to the ground one day and he had no insurance. They asked him, “What are you going to do now?” He answered, “We’ll start rebuilding tomorrow.”
