When I was growing up, I observed a number of confrontations between my dad and my older brother.  My dad thought my brother was very stubborn, and so he called him “hard headed.” In fact, a number of times he told my brother that his head was like concrete, and then he used the Italian word for hard headed, “testa dura.”

Actually, there are situations where being hard headed is a good thing.  I know being self-willed and obstinate are not desirable qualities, especially in a family or marriage.  When it comes to what is right, and to our dreams, we should be hard headed, unbending, and uncompromising.

In a recent article by John Maxwell, he shared the difference between saying, “Can I?” and “How Can I?”  That is the hardheadedness I’m talking about.

John wrote, “When you ask yourself, ‘How can I?’ you give yourself a fighting chance to achieve something. The most common reason people don’t overcome the odds is that they don’t challenge themselves enough. They don’t test their limits. They don’t push their capacity. ‘How can I?’ assumes there is a way. You just need to find it.”

Are You Looking For Solutions?

We persist and refuse to give up when we are actively looking for solutions. Those who whine and complain are not looking for solutions; they are looking for someone to feel sorry for them which will validate their decision to give up.

Those who are actively pursuing solutions may cry over the hurt of delayed success, but they are not whining.  They may voice disgust over not achieving their desire, but they are not complaining and blaming others.  Instead, they have a head like concrete.  They refuse to allow their dreams to be broken.

The “How can I?” or “There must be a solution” attitude is one that will produce results.  Why?  Because that kind of mindset indicates one will not stop until the goal is reached.

The real battle in life is the battle between our ears.  We can entertain thoughts of inadequacies, relive our past mistakes, and then whine and complain.  Or, we can entertain thoughts of where we want to go, relive our victories, and stay the course.

The following story has a number of versions, but all with the same point.

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.

“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”

He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.  The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

Guard your thoughts, stay the course, look to God for help and trust Him that He will provide, and stay hard headed. “Testa dura!”

Mike Verdicchio
2012

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