I was watching a movie recently and was reminded of something about forgiveness that many people fail to realize. I’ll tell you what that is in just a minute. But first, let me ask you something.
Have you ever had someone hurt you so badly that you thought you would never forgive them for what they did to you? In your mind, that person did not deserve to be forgiven. Have you ever felt that if you did forgive them, it would be like letting them off the hook for what they did?
We have all experienced hurt to one degree or another. And, it seems that the deeper the hurt, the harder it is to forgive. Some people feel that by not forgiving the one who hurt them, they are actually hurting or even punishing the perpetrator. Nothing could be farther from the truth.
Why Let Someone Have Power Over You?
The person who chooses to hold on to the anger, hurt and bitterness is the one paying the price. In fact, holding on to the hurt and not forgiving, actually gives the one who did the hurting power over the one they hurt. In other words, by not forgiving, you are choosing to continue to give that person power over you.
Very few realize this. That is why I was surprised to see this in a movie Kathy and I watched on TV recently. It was called, Diary of a Mad Black Woman. It was so simply explained to the woman who had been very hurt, that until she forgave, she was allowing the one who hurt her to continue to have power over her.
Carrying the hurt is not only harmful to you mentally, but it is also detrimental to your physical body. A number of medical studies show a connection between unresolved anger and physical illness. The holistic approach to patient care acknowledges and addresses the mind-body connection.
The Bible tells us that “a merry heart does good like a medicine, but a broken spirit dries the bones.” It talks about not going to sleep angry. It also discusses heaviness of the heart and sorrow of the heart in contrast to being glad and merry.
What Is Forgiveness?
Many times people are unwilling to forgive because they feel that in doing so it excuses the hurtful deed. But forgiving someone does not in any way mean that what they did was not wrong. Forgiving simply means that you are choosing not to exact punishment for what was done.
Biblically, to forgive means to refrain from exacting, as a payment or service; it means that no payment or service is needed. When someone’s monetary debt is canceled, it doesn’t mean that the person who owed the money was right in not paying their debt. Absolving a debt means that no more payment is due.
A great key in learning to forgive others is to remember that God has forgiven you. Forgiveness from God means that there is no payment needed for your infraction. Your wrong doing has been remitted. Jesus Christ paid the price for you.
Have You Forgiven You?
However, many times people know that God has forgiven them, but they fail to forgive themselves. In not forgiving themselves, they really aren’t accepting God’s forgiveness. And, as a result, they end up carrying guilt and condemnation.
Now everyone knows that no one’s perfect. We all make mistakes, right? Therefore, we all need forgiveness. And God has lovingly provided this forgiveness through His Son, Jesus Christ who paid the price for all our sins.
Not accepting God’s forgiveness communicates that the price that has already been paid was not enough. It would be like you owing a thousand dollars and someone paid that debt for you, but you still feeling like you owed the money. When it comes to God forgiving you, the price has been paid in full.
The Bible talks about being imitators of God as “His dear children.” Therefore, I can forgive others not because I am supposed to, but because of who I am. I am His child, and He said to imitate His love. I forgive others because of who I am. I am His child. I am loved. I am forgiven.
Forgiving Others
So, first, forgive others because of who you are, and what God has done for you. Secondly, when you forgive others, it gives you freedom. Living with anger, bitterness and hurt holds you captive; you are a prisoner!
And consider this. So many times, those who have hurt you have moved on; they no longer even think about it. Yet, there you are, being held captive by your own thoughts and emotions. That is not freedom.
Release your anger, bitterness and hurt. Choose to hold thoughts of “no payment due.” Remember, you are not saying that what they did was right; you are simply excusing them from retribution.
And thirdly, remember that the Bible says that we are to forgive others even as we ourselves have been forgiven. God has never said to you that what you did was so bad that He was not going to forgive you. I don’t know about you, but I’m very glad about that.
Have You Considered Him?
And here’s one more point to consider. Jesus Christ was illegally arrested, falsely accused, subjected to a mock trial, savagely beaten and tortured, and, nailed to the cross.
We can only imagine the physical pain he endured. But what about the pain of being rejected that he endured? He was the long awaited Messiah. The religious leaders did not welcome him with open arms. Instead they challenged him at every turn, and eventually engineered his arrest and execution.
If anyone ever had the right to not forgive it was Jesus. And yet, in that moment of pain and suffering, hanging there in shame and humiliation, being mocked and reviled by almost everyone, he uttered the words, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”
Forgiving others is a choice. It starts with accepting God’s forgiveness for what you have done, and you in turn forgiving yourself. Then, you can, and you ought to choose to forgive others.
Michael A. Verdicchio
2010
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