A “don’t list?” Most of us have “to do” lists. But what about having a, “don’t,” or a, “stop doing” list?
Relax; this article is not about bad habits, although it could apply. Rather, it’s about what to do when there is too much on your plate. It is about saying, “No.”
Recently, reading an article, I saw the following quote by Steven Covey. He sums up this point really well.
You have to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage – pleasantly, smilingly, non-apologetically – to say “no” to other things. And the way you do that is by having a bigger “yes” burning inside. The enemy of the “best” is often the “good.”
Have you ever bitten off more than you can chew? Have you ever taken on more than you could really handle well, or put so much on your plate that it spills all over the place? At one time or another, we all have.
It’s Time To Stop And Say, “No.”
Our current economy is not helping the situation. Many people are working more than one regular job, and millions of people have some sort of “side job.” For lots of people, just generating needed income fills their plate.
And yet, so many people when asked, “Can you do this for me?” answer affirmatively. I do love to help people, and saying, “No,” used to be very difficult for me. But, I learned the hard way that there are times when the best thing for me is to say, “No.”
For example, I’ve been invited out to dinner, but graciously excused myself because the two or three hour time commitment was just too much at that time. There are times when someone asks for some help, but I need some rest. I’m not thirty anymore.
I’ve told myself, “No,” to staying up late and watching a movie, which would have been fun and relaxing, but getting my rest was best for me at that moment. The point is, I believe it is more beneficial for me, and for those who count on me, not to get fatigued and burned out because I take on too much.
How can a mom be her best for her husband and children if she puts too much on her plate? How can a dad be his best for his spouse and children if he is maxed out? Yes, there are things on our plate that just have to be there right now, but there are other things we could put on our, “stop doing” list.
It Will Shock You!
If you want to shock yourself, write down the time you spend on everything you do each day. Do this for three weeks. The results will not only amaze you, but it will give you some choices to put on your, “stop doing,” list.
Seeing how much time we invest in everything is very helpful in making choices that are best for us. For example, someone could say, “Do I really want to watch 40 hours of TV every week?” Maybe I could say, “No” to some of that and instead do some exercise.
In this electronic age, there are lots of things we do, like texting, emails, posting on Facebook and Twitter, etc. But many times those activities can turn into distractions that can overflow our plate. After posting something on Facebook, is it really an important priority to check and recheck, and recheck again, to see if someone “liked” it or commented on it?
Every one of us receives twenty four hours every day. No more, or no less. We choose each day what we put on our own plate. But can we also say, “No?”
What Will People Think?
When it comes to extending ourselves to others, one of the big problems is that we care too much what others think of us. We dare not say, “No,” because, what will they think? If we can oblige, that’s great; if we cannot, then why do we care more about what they think than what is best for ourselves?
This is a real dilemma among some Christians. Some say, “God first, others second, and I am willing to be third.” Yes, God first, always and in everything. And, yes, I am willing to put others ahead of myself. But, is it God’s will for me to do that which results in my own physical and mental detriment? I think not.
Yet, there are some Christians who preach that unless you attend every function, participate in every activity, and lend a helping hand to everybody you see, then you are a second rate believer. Why some of my brothers and sisters are so quick criticize and condemn is beyond me. Aren’t we all reading the same Bible?
In the New Testament, Eppaphras nearly died over doing service that others should have been doing. Paul didn’t write and say that everyone should overdo it, burn themselves out and die! In fact, in I Corinthians he wrote that if you do burn out in service, and don’t do it with the love of God, it means nothing.
There was a time in my life when I wouldn’t refuse anyone’s request, whether I was tired or not, whether it meant missing a meal or not, whether it meant canceling family time or not. I rarely ever said, “No.” But, over time, living like that every day, took its toll.
Today, I still say, “Yes,” many times, but I also say, “No.” I recently said, “Yes,” to an invitation to travel this fall to perform a wedding in Minnesota. After thinking it through and considering the time in preparation as well as time from home, I decided it would be a blessing for the couple and I could put it on my plate.
Identify your highest priorities and responsibilities. These are different for everyone; some people are single, others are married, and others are parents. Certainly those with children have many more responsibilities than those without children.
Your priorities and responsibilities will change from time to time; sometimes day to day. Jobs, shopping, cooking, keeping your home tidy, and spending quality time with those you live with are certainly very high on the list. Be committed each day to your highest and most important priorities.
Next, take an honest look and consider what you have on your plate. Look and see what you either can stop doing, or, stop spending as much time doing, so that you don’t end up with too much on your plate. This will put you in control of your life instead of having life control you.
Finally, make sure there is room on your plate for you to rest, recharge, and do whatever you need to be your best for you and for those around you. Have the courage to say, “No,” so that you can keep your priorities.
Having too much on your plate day after day is stressful. It will take a toll on you personally, as well as on those around you. Love yourself, and love those around you, by taking charge of your life and doing what is best. Just say “No!”
Mike Verdicchio
2012
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